There Are No Merit Badges For Motherhood

       There are no merit badges for mothering. Really, there aren't. Unless there's some super secret underground Mommy Cult that I don't know about, and if there is, thank God I don't know about it.

       The other day I read the most ridiculous article about a drug free birth (I refuse to call it 'natural childbirth'). I don't think the idea of a drug free birth is ridiculous, indeed to each her own. It was the tone of the article that rankled. Three out of the four reasons the author gave that drug free birth was superior were plausible. Not ironclad reasons or only found in natural childbirth, but possible. Her fourth reason that drug free childbirth was 'awesome' was that it afforded the mom 'bragging rights'. Really? If you're bragging about something, you clearly feel superior to someone. If you feel superior about a drug free birth than you are suggesting that any other kind of birth is inferior. All kinds of things happen in a delivery room and the best laid plans can go to hell in a matter of minutes, trust me, Doug was an emergency c-section. The point is that my doctor and I made the best plan we could based on the situation at hand to get Doug out ALIVE. That is the goal of any birth.  A healthy mother and child. Period. Once Doug was born, I only felt insane relief and gratitude that he was alive. That's it. No regrets. I did not get a 'I Survived An Emergency C-Section' badge.

     Mothers beat up on each other for a variety of other reasons too. You have your breastfeeders who look down on formula feeders (and vice versa). Your stay-at-home moms who look down on those who work. Your cloth diaperers who radiate smugness to those who use disposables. The list can go on and on, wherever there are different parenting paths to take, there will always be tension.

    I'm going to let you in on a little secret here: Moms are making the best choices for themselves and their children that they can. Some mom's can't breastfeed. Some moms need medication. Some moms just plain don't want to. Some moms can't afford to stay at home. Some moms (gasp) love their careers. And I think we can all agree that people who cloth diaper are insane. Just kidding.

   No college is going to ask your kid how they were born. If they were bottle or breast fed. If they had a stay-at-home parent. Why? It doesn't matter by the time they're that age. You've already done a fabulous job of raising the child. So can we please stop tearing each other down for the choices we make?

Growing Up

This past week I feel like Doug's been growing up by leaps and bounds. I know two is just around the corner, but it all seems so fast!

Last Friday I thought I'd selfishly take a shower all by myself. I'd tried earlier in the week to just let Doug roam the upstairs while I showered. I made sure things were out of his reach, the gate was shut and I put his Elmo potty video on. I think the shower was on for about 3o seconds before he came running in shouting "SHOWER! SHOWER!". I'd left the door open because I didn't feel comfortable locking him out of the bathroom, in case he got hurt or needed me. I relented and let him in with me. So, on Friday I decided to go back to my old stand by, putting him in his crib with his toys. After I did that I went to check my email really quickly, and I heard furious screaming, and then jumping and then the door knob rattle. Sure enough, he some how got out of his crib. I decided he'd 'earned' a shower after that feat. After the shower, he went and sat down on his potty and peed in it for the first time since January. Since Friday we've gotten him to use the potty 2-3 times a day. Saturday I suggested a pull-up diaper, and he kept repeating "pull", so I got one out and put it on him, and then he ran into the kitchen, to the door just wearing a diaper shouting "pull! pull!". He desperately wanted to get outside. It took me a few minutes to figure out that what he was actually saying was "pool! pool!". He was under the impression that he was wearing a swim diaper, and wanted to go for a dip in the neighbor's nasty above ground pool despite that it was about 40 degrees. I bought him the cutest little Thomas the Tank underwear the other day, with the intention of having him wear them around the house for a few hours each day. But nope. Everything that is not a traditional diaper is evidently a swim diaper and you cannot convince him otherwise. So for now we're still using diapers. I suppose he'll just have to get over this with time.

We decided that we it wasn't safe for Doug to continue sleeping in his crib. In January we had taken the side off the crib, and Doug loved it during the day, but had a total meltdown that night, so we put the side back. When my in-laws came out in January they brought Jeff's old bed with them, which my father-in-law had made. We went out Friday night to look at mattresses. The bed is a little narrow and a bit shorter than a regular twin, so we didn't think we'd be able to find a mattress and were planning on special ordering one. We lucked out big time. We walked into a store and right by the door they had a mattress that would fit, on sale! We managed to fit it in the car and drove it home. We got the bed up from the basement and while I dashed out to Target for sheets, Jeff disassembled the crib. I managed to get the last set of Thomas sheets. Doug was pretty psyched about his big boy bed!


The first night, I laid in there with him until he fell asleep, about 15 minutes. Saturday night didn't go quite as well. For over an hour and a half I was in and out of his room. Finally, I just left. I'd moved his night light and changed it's color. I'd made sure his room was quite and as dark as he would tolerate. He popped out of his room about 3 times, and then we locked him in from the outside. The actual lock is on his side, but by using your thumbnail, you can turn it. And as I just found out, he can unlock it himself. After about 5 minutes he was asleep. We unlocked his door for the night and checked on him, he was asleep in his bed, all nice and snug. We haven't had to lock him in since. He'll open the door, scream and cry and then shut it. He definitely knows he's supposed to be in his bed. Nap time isn't going so well, he mostly plays in there. Hopefully he'll get over the novelty soon. Other than being a bit resistant to staying in bed and falling out (low tech solution: body pillow) he's adjusted well. The next big change will be turning his car seat around.

Mayhem and Chaos

Usually when I take a shower, I put Doug in his crib with a few toys to keep him occupied. Today, I asked him if he'd like to get in the shower with me, which he loves. He responded by saying and signing 'yes', so I led him into his room to get him ready.

He started doing this:


I thought that because he was throwing ALL of his toys into his crib that he'd rather stay in there this time.



So I plopped him in his crib and went on my merry way. You may have noticed that he's now wearing shorts in this picture. A few weeks ago, he threw everything out of his crib as usual, but this time his diaper as well. For a few days I took the precaution of making sure he was wearing shorts or pants, but then I forgot about it. Until Monday, when once again, his diaper was on the floor. When I walked into his room, he just pointed and stared at it, as if he couldn't believe his own daring. But lesson learned, the child shall wear shorts!


This is what I found when I returned after my shower:

"Spring me!"

And this:



At least he was wearing his diaper.

May The Fourth Be With You!

Do you ever have those days when you wonder what on earth is wrong with humanity? The other day I had several separate incidents in which I wondered what was wrong with this person!

Yesterday Doug and I met my mother and my grandmother for lunch at Red Lobster. We were seated in a large booth across from the hostess's desk. Before we left, I took Doug to the restroom to change his diaper. On the way back, across from our booth, we crossed paths with this elderly couple. The lady was using a cane to walk and walked several steps out of her way over to me. She looked up at me and said, "Can you do something for me?". I was a bit taken back, so I stumbled, "Uh, sure?". She opened her hand and she had two balled up Kleenexes. She asked me if I could throw them away. Totally taken aback and now shocked, I did. I walked 4 feet (!) to the desk and threw it away in the trashcan there. After I was done, I was a bit confused by the whole encounter. Normally, I wouldn't accept such a thing from a stranger. I understand that she was using a cane, and that walking wasn't easy. Believe me, she couldn't have found some one more empathetic. But she walked out of her way to me, she was closer to the hidden trashcan than to me. Also, why couldn't she have had her HUSBAND do it? Sticking them in her pocket wasn't a bad idea either. Needless to say, I purelled the heck out of my hands and vowed to never do such a thing again.

About an hour later I arrived at the store. Doug was passed out in his car-seat, so instead of carrying him around, I decided I'd get his stroller out. Now, let me tell you, that this week I've been a bit more fatigued and tired than usual. Also, possibly a bit whinier about it too. So, when I saw a spot that wasn't a handicapped spot and was close to the door, I nabbed it. It was actually the last regular spot and was next to a handicapped spot (on the driver's and car-seat side). I went and opened the trunk and began to unfold the stroller. Then I went and put my bag underneath the stroller, and lastly I got Doug out. His stroller straps are numerous. I'm not sure why, perhaps the makers thought the stroller would be involved in some sort of stroller demolition derby. I'm surprised it doesn't have a roll bar. But anyway, it takes a moment to get him all in, and during this point, I vaguely heard a car honk and I ignored it. After I was done, I noticed a van parking in a handicapped spot across from my car. As we came even with the first car in the handicapped spots, I saw a woman sitting in it with her window rolled down. She leaned out of it and said something along the lines of "the nerve of them honking at you when there are plenty of spaces!". So, basically, I got honked at because I was putting my BABY in his stroller and it wasn't happening fast enough for these people. I won't say that I didn't send a glare their direction.

Last night we were having a plumbing emergency*. At about ten thirty the plumber arrived and was getting his tools out of his truck when we got a phone call on our house line. Jeff answered it and said,"No, no, she doesn't live here. No, you have the wrong number." He then proceeded to give the caller the number she called (she asked) and then hung up. The plumber came in and Jeff followed him downstairs. I decided to try to start to get Doug ready for bed, as it was waaaay past bed time, when the phone rang AGAIN. Now, I think just about everyone agrees that past 10:30 it too late to call people. It's just rude and annoying. Also, it gets your adrenaline going, because you wonder, "Oh my gosh, what's wrong?", because decent people only call after then for emergencies. I answer the phone. The caller ID tells me that this is the SAME number that called five minutes ago. Sure enough, the caller asks for the SAME PERSON. Now, normally, I'm not rude to callers. I can and will be curt, but generally polite. But this person was clearly not getting that Annie did NOT live here! So I told her off (long day, plumbing emergency). I won't swear I didn't use obscenities, but I think I avoided it. It must have worked, because she didn't call back for Annie anymore.

This last incident happened today when I took Doug to the doctor's. It's more humorous and exasperating than the other incidents. Today we saw the nurse practitioner because Doug has a rash that I thought was eczema. The rash was apparently something seasonal and common that toddlers get, it goes away on its own, basically no big deal. So after she gave me this info, she proceeded to ask how things were at home. You know, who's at home with us, any more kids? Anything else going on..... (looking intently at me)? I was a bit flustered, about this and had no idea what she was getting at. I said no, just Doug and I, Daddy works.... Then it dawned on me that I must actually look how I feel for once (very sore and very fatigued). The undertone I was getting from her was like, "Well, does your husband throw you down the stairs every night?". I was amused that I must have looked how I felt, but I was too tired to get into the whole "Well, I'm a hypothyroid person with fibromyalgia, and if you could not use big words today, that would be great. Also, don't call CPS on us, because we're totally cool.". Maybe I should print up some handouts for next time? Too exhausting to go through it each time I see them!



*Very long, uninteresting, expensive story.

Very disappointing

So I've been on the quest for a sundress, and have so far not found anything. I saw some nice ones at OldNavy.com and decided to go in and try some on. Here's a copy of an email I sent to their customer service :

" I will admit it's been a few years since I've bought anything from Old Navy, I find the sizing to be a bit odd. However, the selection of clothes has always been attractive and eye catching. So imagine my surprise and frustration when I go to shop in a store and find that the Plus Size section does not seem to exist anymore. Sure, enough I check your store's website, and I find that the Plus Size line is sold online only. Well, that can be ok if the sizing is consistent, however Old Navy's sizing has always been poor. In addition to charging the standard delivery fee, the customer now also needs to pay to have items returned as you don't accept Plus Size merchandise returns at the store. Why are you charging plus size customers to essentially try on your clothes? This isn't right, it's discrimination! Plus sized women have just the same right to try on clothes for free as regular women. I'm extremely disappointed in the brand and will not be shopping for anyone in my family at Old Navy ever again.

Sincerely,
Extremely Pissed Off. "

Update

So, its been a while since I've posted. Last week was kind of a rough week. It seems that my female hormones and my thyroid decided that last week was the week that they were going to try to readjust themselves after the pregnancy. Basically, I was sore and exhausted all week. I'm just starting to feel better and hope to be completely better by this weekend.

Then there's the laptop situation. A few days before Mother's Day Jeff sent my laptop back to Dell for service. The screen was all jacked up and Jeff couldn't fix it himself; it was still under warranty, so back it went. Dell sent us a FedEx box and Jeff dropped it off at Office Max or whatever its called. So, last week I asked Jeff to check on the status of it. He assured me it was fine and that it would be back Friday. Friday came and went and he promised that it would be here Monday, yesterday. All day I waited, scared to take a shower for fear that I would miss the delivery man. At 6 it became apparent that it wasn't coming. Jeff finally checked with Dell. They didn't have it. He checked with FedEx. It had JUST left Beltsville for Dell yesterday. He dropped it off two weeks ago. Evidently what happened is that Office Max is NOT a FedEx place, they deal with UPS. Jeff didn't know this and the clerk who accepted the box didn't realize it was for FedEx until it was too late. They had no contact info for Jeff and instead of being pro-active they waited for either us to call them or FedEx to make a delivery, which is finally what happened. For some reason they couldn't run it half a mile down the road to the FedEx Kinko's. So it will probably be another week until I get my laptop back and I'll have to use Jeff's which is incredibly annoying and slow.

On the hair front. On Friday I finally went and made up with my hair stylist. I confessed that I had been to the Hair Cuttery. She told me to say three Hail Marys and...wait, wrong confession. Anyway, she agreed that the Hair Cuttery did some BAD things to my hair. I was the last customer that day and she ended up staying late to fix the damage. The end result is that my hair looks and feels MUCH better and that I will never ever go back to the Hair Cuttery again!

Doug. Doug got his first shots on Friday. He was fine until mid afternoon and then he became A Seriously Unhappy Baby. We had to find some infant pain relief meds as Tylenol had been recalled. Luckily we only had to go to two stores and we bought the generic. At about 3am he seemed he was finally feeling a bit better, and by that morning he was back to his usual cheerful self.

More things happened last week, most of them unexciting. But that's all for now.