There Are No Merit Badges For Motherhood

       There are no merit badges for mothering. Really, there aren't. Unless there's some super secret underground Mommy Cult that I don't know about, and if there is, thank God I don't know about it.

       The other day I read the most ridiculous article about a drug free birth (I refuse to call it 'natural childbirth'). I don't think the idea of a drug free birth is ridiculous, indeed to each her own. It was the tone of the article that rankled. Three out of the four reasons the author gave that drug free birth was superior were plausible. Not ironclad reasons or only found in natural childbirth, but possible. Her fourth reason that drug free childbirth was 'awesome' was that it afforded the mom 'bragging rights'. Really? If you're bragging about something, you clearly feel superior to someone. If you feel superior about a drug free birth than you are suggesting that any other kind of birth is inferior. All kinds of things happen in a delivery room and the best laid plans can go to hell in a matter of minutes, trust me, Doug was an emergency c-section. The point is that my doctor and I made the best plan we could based on the situation at hand to get Doug out ALIVE. That is the goal of any birth.  A healthy mother and child. Period. Once Doug was born, I only felt insane relief and gratitude that he was alive. That's it. No regrets. I did not get a 'I Survived An Emergency C-Section' badge.

     Mothers beat up on each other for a variety of other reasons too. You have your breastfeeders who look down on formula feeders (and vice versa). Your stay-at-home moms who look down on those who work. Your cloth diaperers who radiate smugness to those who use disposables. The list can go on and on, wherever there are different parenting paths to take, there will always be tension.

    I'm going to let you in on a little secret here: Moms are making the best choices for themselves and their children that they can. Some mom's can't breastfeed. Some moms need medication. Some moms just plain don't want to. Some moms can't afford to stay at home. Some moms (gasp) love their careers. And I think we can all agree that people who cloth diaper are insane. Just kidding.

   No college is going to ask your kid how they were born. If they were bottle or breast fed. If they had a stay-at-home parent. Why? It doesn't matter by the time they're that age. You've already done a fabulous job of raising the child. So can we please stop tearing each other down for the choices we make?

May The Fourth Be With You!

Do you ever have those days when you wonder what on earth is wrong with humanity? The other day I had several separate incidents in which I wondered what was wrong with this person!

Yesterday Doug and I met my mother and my grandmother for lunch at Red Lobster. We were seated in a large booth across from the hostess's desk. Before we left, I took Doug to the restroom to change his diaper. On the way back, across from our booth, we crossed paths with this elderly couple. The lady was using a cane to walk and walked several steps out of her way over to me. She looked up at me and said, "Can you do something for me?". I was a bit taken back, so I stumbled, "Uh, sure?". She opened her hand and she had two balled up Kleenexes. She asked me if I could throw them away. Totally taken aback and now shocked, I did. I walked 4 feet (!) to the desk and threw it away in the trashcan there. After I was done, I was a bit confused by the whole encounter. Normally, I wouldn't accept such a thing from a stranger. I understand that she was using a cane, and that walking wasn't easy. Believe me, she couldn't have found some one more empathetic. But she walked out of her way to me, she was closer to the hidden trashcan than to me. Also, why couldn't she have had her HUSBAND do it? Sticking them in her pocket wasn't a bad idea either. Needless to say, I purelled the heck out of my hands and vowed to never do such a thing again.

About an hour later I arrived at the store. Doug was passed out in his car-seat, so instead of carrying him around, I decided I'd get his stroller out. Now, let me tell you, that this week I've been a bit more fatigued and tired than usual. Also, possibly a bit whinier about it too. So, when I saw a spot that wasn't a handicapped spot and was close to the door, I nabbed it. It was actually the last regular spot and was next to a handicapped spot (on the driver's and car-seat side). I went and opened the trunk and began to unfold the stroller. Then I went and put my bag underneath the stroller, and lastly I got Doug out. His stroller straps are numerous. I'm not sure why, perhaps the makers thought the stroller would be involved in some sort of stroller demolition derby. I'm surprised it doesn't have a roll bar. But anyway, it takes a moment to get him all in, and during this point, I vaguely heard a car honk and I ignored it. After I was done, I noticed a van parking in a handicapped spot across from my car. As we came even with the first car in the handicapped spots, I saw a woman sitting in it with her window rolled down. She leaned out of it and said something along the lines of "the nerve of them honking at you when there are plenty of spaces!". So, basically, I got honked at because I was putting my BABY in his stroller and it wasn't happening fast enough for these people. I won't say that I didn't send a glare their direction.

Last night we were having a plumbing emergency*. At about ten thirty the plumber arrived and was getting his tools out of his truck when we got a phone call on our house line. Jeff answered it and said,"No, no, she doesn't live here. No, you have the wrong number." He then proceeded to give the caller the number she called (she asked) and then hung up. The plumber came in and Jeff followed him downstairs. I decided to try to start to get Doug ready for bed, as it was waaaay past bed time, when the phone rang AGAIN. Now, I think just about everyone agrees that past 10:30 it too late to call people. It's just rude and annoying. Also, it gets your adrenaline going, because you wonder, "Oh my gosh, what's wrong?", because decent people only call after then for emergencies. I answer the phone. The caller ID tells me that this is the SAME number that called five minutes ago. Sure enough, the caller asks for the SAME PERSON. Now, normally, I'm not rude to callers. I can and will be curt, but generally polite. But this person was clearly not getting that Annie did NOT live here! So I told her off (long day, plumbing emergency). I won't swear I didn't use obscenities, but I think I avoided it. It must have worked, because she didn't call back for Annie anymore.

This last incident happened today when I took Doug to the doctor's. It's more humorous and exasperating than the other incidents. Today we saw the nurse practitioner because Doug has a rash that I thought was eczema. The rash was apparently something seasonal and common that toddlers get, it goes away on its own, basically no big deal. So after she gave me this info, she proceeded to ask how things were at home. You know, who's at home with us, any more kids? Anything else going on..... (looking intently at me)? I was a bit flustered, about this and had no idea what she was getting at. I said no, just Doug and I, Daddy works.... Then it dawned on me that I must actually look how I feel for once (very sore and very fatigued). The undertone I was getting from her was like, "Well, does your husband throw you down the stairs every night?". I was amused that I must have looked how I felt, but I was too tired to get into the whole "Well, I'm a hypothyroid person with fibromyalgia, and if you could not use big words today, that would be great. Also, don't call CPS on us, because we're totally cool.". Maybe I should print up some handouts for next time? Too exhausting to go through it each time I see them!



*Very long, uninteresting, expensive story.

You're Fired!

Monday was the last straw for this camel. When I saw my primary doctor a few weeks ago she gave me two referrals, one for a more extensive gout work up and another for radiology.

The radiology referral was to get my legs checked for clots. I can't remember if I've mentioned it before, but I have pain in my legs (as well as everywhere else) but my doctor heard pain in my calves and jumped to clots. It's kind of become a running joke between Jeff and I lately. If I have pain in my arms or shoulders we declare that the clot has moved. If Jeff has pain in his ankle that he broke, then the clot has become contagious. You get the idea. There is no clot. If there was I'm fairly sure I would have had a stroke by now. Anyway, I had actually requested a referral for physical therapy. Imagine, getting actual relief for my pain! Is that done? Unfortunately my doctor had an "oh no, but if it's a clot I could get sued if I don't look for it" moment. Again, she declined to notice that I said it hurts everywhere and that there was never any swelling, redness or warmth in the area. Seriously, my nose and eyes are just about the only thing that doesn't hurt. So, I did the stupid gout test and found out that I don't have gout. Duh. I didn't say my joints hurt, just my muscles. She really has issues listening. But I refuse to do the blood clot test, because well, that's SO not the problem. When you're sick, tired and sore you don't want to go lugging the baby to an appointment in which you will have to wait an hour anyway to just have it come back with nothing. Negative test results are the only kind I get.

Anyway, last week I was really hitting a wall with the pain and decided to call in to get the physical therapy referral. I left the information and shortly after some one called me back form the office to get more information. This was about Wednesday. So I made an appointment for physical therapy for this past Tuesday. So a few days go by and no referral in the mail. Monday comes, so I call about it. Not only did they not have a record of the referral, but they didn't even have one of my request! So, after spending 30 minutes of the phone with some one, I thought we'd gotten it straightened out. She swore that she would fax one to the physical therapy office so I could keep my appointment for the next day. I knew better and I canceled my appointment. Yesterday Jeff went to get the mail, he comes inside and opens it. He reads a letter and then looks up at me. "What?" "You won't like this..." Sigh from me. "Just let me see it.." It was the radiology referral again. I'm not sure if my doctor is super adamant about the non-existent clot, or if the office just really can't follow directions. I just tore it up and trashed it. I did call the office that was supposed to receive this mythical referral by fax this morning. No fax. I am not surprised.

Here's another gem from my doctor's office. This, again, is one of those "this only happens to Katie" sort of thing. I have chronic pain (have I mentioned that enough yet?). Tylenol and rx strength Advil don't do anything and neither does regular Aleve. When I saw my doctor a few weeks ago she gave me a prescription for Aleve. It works out that rx strength Aleve is a little over two of the regular tablets (and also pretty worthless to me). She wrote a script for ten Aleve. Ten. Five days worth. Boy, was I relieved to know that I was going to be better in 5 days! Ahahaha. Not hardly. I don't know what she thought I was going to do with more Aleve. Grind them up and snort them? Sell them on the black market to stupid people? I know you shouldn't take some OTCs for more than a week, but chronic pain kind of gets a free pass there. She also didn't set up a contingency for when the Aleve ran out, you know, for something like physical therapy.

Other than a few good (or bad, really) stories, I haven't gotten much out of this practice. Needless to say, Monday I called around and made an appointment for a new practice for a few weeks away. I'm seeing the rheumatologist next week, and I'm sure, if nothing else, he'll give me a referral for physical therapy. Until then I guess I just got to deal.

Soap Box

I know that this is a controversial topic, I've decided that I just don't care. I also know that both sides are so entrenched in their opinion that there's really not going to be a winner. But I do think that people need to remember to be respectful.

The other night I was watching the news while putting Doug to sleep. They had two people on debating the over turn of California's gay marriage ban. The pro side was saying that it was a civil rights issue and the con side was basically arguing that it would lead to the destruction on families and ultimately to the destruction of our society. I had to turn off the tv, place Doug in his crib, and go downstairs to rant about it lest I woke Doug up.

I understand that not everyone agrees with gay marriage. I can respect that. I don't agree with it, but I can respect our differences. However, my biggest problem with the anti-gay marriage crowd is that many of them don't have a good solid reason to be against it. I think in some cases the reason may be fear; its different, people have no prior experience with it. Fear leads to hate and we all know where hate leads to.

So basically, if you don't agree with it, be nice. No one is making you have a gay marriage. I don't see why two people who love each other can't be protected under the law like Jeff and I can. I want everyone to be able to experience the same joy.

Face Palm

So I thought I had an appointment on Thursday. It's in my calendar as Thursday and on our dry erase board calendar as Thursday. I wrote that appointment down two months ago when I left the doctor's office. Evidently, the appointment was today. I don't know what happened. I even remember thinking that the 29th was almost the end of July when I made that appointment with the receptionist. I've never missed an appointment before, ever. It really annoys me too because this one counted and now I have to do the back and forth with this office to get the information for my blood work. Perhaps I should have told them I that I feel like I've spent the night falling down the stairs. But this isn't the first time this office has driven me nuts. The doctor is wonderful. The staff sucks. They're always days getting back to me about a question. I have an appointment set with a rheumatologist for August and I have to get this office to send all my records to them, which I'm sure will be an adventure. That is unless I want to get tested for Lyme Disease again. Which I don't.

What sucks most of all about this is that I was having a nice day. My mom came and took Doug so I could lie down and nap. And now I'm all frazzled and thinking I've lost my mind. Oh well. I shall take it all out on some peas. I'm going to make Doug some pea puree for dinner and and food processing the heck out of them might be just the thing.

***Edit***

The doctor's office called me back, which is kind of shocking. Evidently my thyroid is quite fine, which is what I didn't want to hear (Remember I said chronic illness is funny? This is one of those times). Oh well. Jeff has taken pity on me and decided to come home from work early. There's always a silver lining :)

These Are A Few Of My Least Favorite Things

1. Hunting and gathering at the grocery store
There's this one SafeWay in Greenway that I went to when I lived with my grandma. It was either that one or the Giant where I always got hit on. Anyway, Jeff and I would go there in the evening sometimes so I could pick up a few things. Every single time we went there was this one person (a different one each time) who would gather a few items in their arms and drop them at the back of the conveyor belt, then leave and retrieve a few more items. These people were either oblivious of the carts and hand baskets or maybe they never evolved beyond hunting and gathering. Who knows?

2. They're, Their and There
I can't stand it when adults can't tell the difference between 'there', 'their' and 'they're'. This has to be one of my biggest pet peeves of all time.

3.Diet Soda
Diet sodas taste absolutely awful. The fake sugar used in them leaves a horrible after taste and studies have shown that it's not too good for you. I don't understand why companies can't cut the sugar by a quarter or even a third. I doubt most people would notice.

4.People who can't follow traffic laws
Particularly pedestrians and bike riders who wear dark clothing and cross the road illegally in the dark. I understand that not everyone has a car and that access to public transit sucks around here, but please, value your life!

5. Parallel parking
When I did this in the driver's test, I did it in about 38 seconds, the tester was way impressed with my time. I've never done it that well since. It makes me wonder about the validity of the tests.

6. Lisa Baden of WTOP
I don't have to hear her as I don't commute in the mornings anymore. But there's just something about her voice that makes me want to drive a pencil through my ears. She's just always so chipper when she's telling you a tanker blew up on the beltway and that traffic will suck for hours. You can practically HEAR her smile.

7. SUV parking
People have ginormous SUVs and no idea how to park them. Really people, come on. If you're going to drive it, at least be able to park it!

8. Hovering in the lady's room
Ladies, you know what I'm talking about here. Despite portable antibacterials and seat covers, women still hover over toilets. They then create the mess that they were in fact trying to avoid by hovering! Just sit down already!

9. People who don't have children giving child rearing advice
I was getting my hair cut last week when my hair stylist asked me if I was breast feeding. I went into the whole long complicated ordeal we had with it. She then proceeded to tell me that breast feeding is best (duh). She then went off on a monologue about how wonderful cloth diapers are for the environment. I can't imagine that tons of laundry is better, but I can see it would be better for the baby, but to each their own. Please babyless people, don't tell me how to spend my time!

10. Stupid Names
I don't understand the names some parents give their kids. As always one of many Katies in a class, I can understand the want to give your child a less common name, but it really shouldn't be say, an object (Apple, anyone?) or a string of syllables you fancy. Some parents also need to consider the durability of a name. Some names are adorable when the child is little, but having a cutesy name as an adult doesn't always fly. Daisy is a cute name for a little girl, but is it a great name for a CEO of a multi-billion dollar corporation? I kinda doubt it. One of my friends has a name test. If you can put the word 'President' before the name, then it is therefore a respectable name.

11. My husband
He reads over my shoulder when I blog. Drives me nuts!

Please post your own gripes!

Just Say "No!"

I really should stop watching the news, it just makes me yell at the tv. There is some sort of watch dog group, The Center for Science in the Public Interest, that is suing McDonald's over the toys in the Happy Meals. No, the toys aren't full of lead or cadmium and they don't pose a choking hazard. They're suing McDonald's because the toys are included in the Happy Meals.

The Center for Science in the Public Interest claims that the presence of toys in the Happy Meals entices children to eat them, to want them and demand them. There is probably a good deal of truth to that. They claim that since the toys lure children to the Happy Meals that children therefore are eating unhealthy meals. This also makes sense, McDonald's meals aren't the most nutritious things out there.

Here's the problem with their claims. What they are essentially telling Americans is that they are too stupid to parent, that they can't make good, smart and nutritious meal choices for their children. Yes, Happy Meals aren't fabulous for you, but if you avoid the soda and the fries, you've made some good steps in the right direction. Also, who is getting their kids Happy Meals on a daily or weekly basis? I know we only had them once in a while growing up and when we did they were a great treat. You can also by pass the meal entirely and just purchase the toy.

Here's the biggest part of the problem. People seem to forget that parents can just say "No" when a child asks for something. You don't have to, nor should you, give into a child every single time he or she makes a request. Granted, Doug isn't old enough to know what McDonald's is or to want it, but when I taught I used "No" frequently. Children don't know what's good for them all the time. It's our job as parents to teach them, and saying "No" to an unhealthy meal on occasion will help them learn.

That's my two cents.