Love in the Time of Covid

I have eight eggs in my refrigerator. No, this is not a plea for more eggs, but I have always had the luxury of not knowing precisely how much food I have on hand. Needless to say, it does cause anxiety. If nothing else comes from this, I hope more Americans understand the plight of those who have food insecurity.

My anxiety was really bad yesterday. When I get anxious, it manifests as irritation and anger. I had to give myself a time out last night. The kids are ALWAYS here now, omnipresent. I cannot get a break from their physical proximity. But I went into my room, turned off the lights, and laid down and did one of the breathing exercises on my fitbit for the first time. I apologized to the kids. A lot. We discussed better ways of living with each other. I made up "Kindness Cards" for them to earn when they do something especially thoughtful for one another. The cards can be traded in for 5 minutes of device time, they can use a bunch at once or one at a time. It DOES seem to be working.

 We came inside from being outside for over an hour. The kids had been riding their scooter and bike around for 50 minutes. I really needed a break. Luke, of course, barged into the bathroom to ask for help with our Lego balloon car experiment. I was done. So, instead of becoming impatient, I set him a timer, told him that I needed a few minutes to do things for myself, wash my face, take some meds and get a drink. When the timer went off, I'd be ready to help him. It worked for him. He knew that I WAS going to get back to him and that it would only be a few minutes. So I do recommend it.

I'm having trouble thinking about the future and what may yet come. I have no idea. I'm planning more curriculum for the kids. Doug and I both have a passion for early American history, so I'm actually looking forward into digging into that with him. But, it's lots of waiting. How are you and yours coping?

Day 1

Unprecedented is a word that has been thrown around so much the last three years, but it continues to apply. Day one of Official Social Distancing has been calm so far. I decided to make up a loose schedule for the kids to preserve both continuity and sanity. I think we did pretty well.

We started off later than I had planned. Luke came into my room at 3:30 in the morning to say that his tummy hurt. I was prepared for the worst and nervous about him being on the new bed. I decided it was probably acid re-flux from post nasal drip and gave him a tums, which he said was spicy. I do not know. Anyway, so I slept in a bit because I was up with Luke for a while on top of my anxious insomnia.

The first thing we did this morning was math, reading, and writing workbooks.
Luke practiced his name and address.

I used a trick from my old job, magic stones.  Each time the kids did something helpful or a good job, they got a stone in their jar. Every time they had to be redirected, I got to take one back. The stakes are high. Whoever has the most stones by Saturday afternoon gets to choose our evening movie! I'm really pulling for Doug here honestly, because I CANNOT watch 'Planes Fire & Rescue' again.

These Star Wars workbooks are great. I don't have any action shots of Doug working because he did most of his work independently.

Counting and a number line! We're working on counting to thirty.

We had a bit of a break and did a puzzle. I swept and mopped the kitchen floor last week for this very reason. Luke was pretty excited. He did have to be redirected a few times back to the puzzle, so I see where the ADHD might be.

We had a nice family lunch together since Jeff is home now too. After lunch, Doug and I began to work again on his 'God & Family' cub scout badge. I think it might take us into next week if we break each section into halves. He is learning a lot though and it is fun to actually teach him about the bible. He asks very good questions.

 After lunch we did PE/recess/get the hell out of the house. Today I set up an obstacle course. The kids each had three turns and ran it timed. Luke flew through the tunnel, which Doug had to basically pull on and off like a dress (it was HYSTERICAL) but lost time over all because his legs are so short.

 Then we got their bike and scooter out and they rode around for a bit. We were outside for an hour overall, with the goal in mind of wearing them out. I think I over achieved there, because Luke was just so DONE by bed time.

We came back inside for some arts and crafts. Luke used markers to color a wood craft from  Michael's that has a battery operated candle in it. Doug opted to start something on canvas.

Our science experiment today was brief. We put pepper in water to simulate germs and then soap on their fingers to simulate how soap repels germs. I think they got it and it seemed super timely. 

We did some yoga on you tube, kid's cosmic yoga. They picked a Pokemon themed one tonight. They did pretty well. They got a bit rowdy towards the end, but after how stressed we've all been, I can't really blame them.

Overall, I think I managed to strike the right balance between work and leisure and fun today. They didn't spend the day in front of screens (absolutely NO judgement here, you do you) and they didn't try to kill each other and I didn't have an urge to force choke anyone. This is going to be our structure until we hear otherwise now. I don't imagine this will stop soon. Be safe and well!

Saying Good Bye to Mommy Regrets

        Every parent feels hassled these days. PTA meetings, soccer practice, cub scouts, double ear infections, homework, and the list goes on and on. It's so hard not to succumb to the every day stress of simply living your life.

      As a parent with chronic illness, the challenge is even harder. I have to accomplish things AND do it in such a way that I'm not desperately over tired the next day, so I can get up and do it all AGAIN. It's hard some times. I am however, proud to say, that I have hauled myself out of bed and gotten Doug to school everyday he needed to go. He has never missed a day of school due to my illness. It may not seem like a big deal to some people, but some days the personal sacrifice is huge.

     And that's why I'm cutting myself some slack. Back in September, when my endometriosis pain started becoming so bad that it was painful to walk, I decided that I would 'treat myself' and drive to school rather than walk in the mornings. I have also decided I will pick him up in the car when it rains as the logistics of walking a toddler to school, in the rain, are insane. We have bought a huge box of chicken pot pies from Costco to have on nights when I'm not up to making dinner. We also have frozen pasta for the same reason. Today, I decided to treat myself to the five dollar surcharge and pick up my groceries at the store instead of shopping for them in the rain. Good use of five dollars and it will save me quite a bit of energy and precious time.

     Letting go of things you haven't accomplished is difficult. I had bought some crafts for Doug and I to do over the holidays, but due to a long, awful, migraine cluster, they didn't happen. I also bought lots of dry ingredients for cookies I never baked. Instead of feeling anxious about these things, I've decided to just let it go. No point dwelling on what cannot be changed. My energy is better spent else where for sure.

   So I think in 2017, I'm going to give myself more license to cut myself some slack. Let the clean laundry sit in the hallway for a day. Let the kitchen floor go longer between moppings. Stock the freezer with meals to make for when I'm unable to. So cut yourself some slack too! Have a glass of wine and watch some tv on the couch tonight instead of paying the bills.

Shifting Gears

So I've been in a nasty flare up, since June. For whatever reason, my endometriosis has been pissing everything off in my pelvis. It makes it difficult and uncomfortable to sleep, so naturally that leads to a flare up of my fibromyalgia. Now there's pain from my fibro, which also makes it difficult to sleep, which leads to... more pain. It's a nasty cycle, and because of my endo involvement, I'm having a hell of a time breaking out of it. Even my physical therapist and neurologist are getting frustrated by this.

I've been in denial, somewhat, about the length and severity of this flare up. I finally realized the other day that so many of my recent daily frustrations stem from the fact that I'm trying to live like I'm NOT in a flare up. So I realized that I need to retool things, down shift to help me get through this. I know that there have been relationships I've been neglecting, and it hasn't been personal, it's been an attempt to save my energy for other things. And unfortunately, there's going to be a lot more of that for the time being.

The good news is that I feel like I have finally reached the bottom of the pit of despair, which means there's only one direction left to go, up! This past weekend was difficult. I had a treatment in the doctor's office on Friday which at first seemed promising, but then seems to have failed. I was also given an increased dosage of one of my medications, which the cost of is now astronomical. I can afford it, but I choose not to spend an absurd amount of money on it (what I had been paying for a three month supply is now the cost of only one month). Luckily, Jeff realized that I was stuck in this pit and threw down a ladder and climbed in after me. I think I'm going to be able to make it out, again. Because that's what you do when you live with chronic illness, you keep climbing out of the same pit, over and over gain, because you have to.

Self care is important, be well!

The Quiet Time Bag

          Four o'clock in the afternoon seems to be the witching hour around here. Luke is usually down for a nap. Doug and I have typically just finished his homework. I am usually exhausted by this point in the day, but need to start making dinner soon. And Doug is usually full of energy and wants to yell and run around the house. In case you don't live in the DC metro, we've had over two consecutive weeks of rain, so throwing Doug into the yard hasn't been an option much. I ended up losing what little control I had left with Doug by this point in the afternoon. After several days of this, I thought to myself, "I can do better. WE can do better." I just needed for inspiration to strike, and it did.

                                                

    I give you: The Quiet Time Bag. It. Is. Awesome. I'm really not over selling it. I found some things that Doug can do QUIETLY, in his room, for about half an hour. Thirty minutes is enough time that I can regroup, take a brief break, and start dinner. Jeff typically walks in the door not too long after, which is a huge help.
Anyway, in the bag we have a note, Colorforms, secret market reveal pads, sticker books, Spirograph, coloring pages, blank pages bound together in a binder (he loves this, for some reason). Doug loves the bag. He will ask for it all the time. I try to limit its use to those afternoon times and Saturday mornings. We already had some of those things (paper, Colorforms) and some I bought in the dollarish section of Target. I save some things to put in later and plan to rotate things in and out so Doug doesn't get bored.

The note I included:

 

I also made a sign to put up by the baby gate. You can see what Doug thought of it:


 

So far, I'm pretty happy with how the Quiet Time Bag is working out. I 'll have to keep it interesting to keep his attention, but I'm happy he's doing something creative. And most importantly, I'm glad he can be quiet and I don't have to yell.

Spend, Save, Give

      I wish I could take credit for this idea, but I can't and I don't remember where I first read/heard about it. Our pastor last Sunday gave a good sermon about tithing and fiscal responsibility, which jarred this idea about of my memory banks. So many adults struggle with money issues. We teach our children lots of things, but not routinely about money. So why not start some financial responsibility when they're young?

Anyway, the idea is simple. Get three jars (or in our case use one Batman bank we already have) and label one 'Spend' (Batman) one 'Save'  (although ''Save' seems more appropriate for Batman, no?) and the third 'Give'. I don't know how most people give their kids money, but at 4, I feel that Doug is a little young for an allowance. What does happen is this: I get change in my wallet. I do not like change in my wallet as it makes my wallet and then purse heavier to carry. So then usually at some point in the week, I dump all of my change out on the table and Doug runs in Golm like to collect it. Jeff will do the same thing too.

So the other night we emptied out Batman and explained the procedure to Doug. At the end of the year, Jeff will either open a savings account for Doug at his credit union or we'll stick the 'Save' money in his college fund. The 'Spend' money can be spent however Doug sees fit. He did mention wanting to save up for a Lego set (surprising). The 'Give' we'll give to a charity of Doug's choice at the end of Advent. Doug likes and has given to Ronald McDonald House in the past, so I imagine he'll pick that again. The 'Save' and 'Spend' jars got a pretty even distribution of coins. But you know what? Doug put the most in 'Give' (he's passionate about Ronald McDonald house, or as he calls it "for the sick kids in the hospital!!!". He's been very excited about this so far and I think this will be a good on going project for him.

Things I Care Passionately About

So, being pregnant I've discovered some things that I apparently care very passionately about, to the point of tears:

1. Raspberry Lemonade. I was trying to kick my soda habit and looking forward to making some raspberry lemonade and having a glass in the evening. I had bought two cans of mix at the store a few days ago in preparation. Fast forward to that evening, I could not find the cans of mix. I tore the house apart, looked in the car, everywhere. I'm guessing that pregnancy brain took over at the store and I left the bag with the mix in it there. Jeff comes in and tells me he'll get some tomorrow. I naturally began bawling because I had been looking forward to it ALL DAY. Jeff ended up making an 11 o'clock trip to WalMart to get some more. Life was good again.

2. Clean sheets. Every week of our marriage, on Sunday nights, Jeff and I always have the same discussion; "It's time to change the sheets, Jeff." "But we just changed them last week.". Every week for 7 years. It gets old. Anyway, the previous week we had to change the sheets on Wednesday. Doug had come in our room in the middle of the night because he had wet his bed. His shorts were wet and he was leaning up against the side of the bed. So the next morning, I changed our sheets too. I was willing to let the sheets stay on longer than normal because they were changed midweek. And I was tired as hell. So the next Saturday the sheets had been on our bed for a week and a half now. It was late and we had to get up early for church the next day, but I was really looking forward to sleeping on nice, clean sheets that night. Jeff, as usual, shared his resistance to the idea of changing the sheets. Being tired and hormonal, I couldn't take it anymore and burst into tears. Over sheets. It was one of those situations in which you're crying about something, but at the same time you know it's absolutely ridiculous. So naturally I start laughing while I'm crying. Anyway, it was effective, because we got the damn sheets changed.

3. Infant carrier car seats. After yesterday's ob appointment, I dragged Jeff to the baby supply store to check  out infant car seats. I hated Doug's with the fire of 1000 suns. It was heavy, clunky, awkward. My legs looked like bananas gone bad they were so bruised from the damn carrier knocking into them. I had seen these carriers when Doug was an infant with different shaped handles that allowed the parent schlepping the baby to hold the carrier in a more natural position. I don't know why, but no one seems to make them like that anymore. Anyway, the store had one model like this and the buckle was made out of plastic, not metal. We were disappointed. Then I started looking at all the carriers, trying to find one that weighed the least in the hopes that that would be helpful. They all weighed between 8 and 9 lbs. So, last night we dug out the old carrier and weighed it. It weighed 7.4 lbs. LESS than all the 'light weight models'. I burst into tears. It was like being told that the thing that felt like an Albatross around your neck was actually a Cardinal, so you should be grateful. The thing of it is is that because I have fibro, I tire easily. I get sore more easily and it takes longer to recover. So being told that the thing I already thought was unmanageable is actually lighter than any of the others was a bit crushing.

Jeff managed to calm me down. Part of it was that I was started to get sick when Doug was two months old, and it was just so hard to leave the house. He reminded me that this time we know what we're dealing with so I can get the meds to treat my fibro faster this time. He also reminded me that it took me a while to realize that I'd save energy by getting a combo diaper bag purse instead of carrying one of each. I have my eye on a Vera baby bag that also converts into a backpack. I'm also thinking of getting one of those snap and go dealie strollers for the car seat. So I have options, we just need to be creative about them.

I can't wait, and I'm sure Jeff agrees, for this hormonal roller coaster to be over!

Ps, Sarah Mclachlan, if I see your face on tv, consider the channel being switched!